im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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