i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
