I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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