Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
