its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
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When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
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I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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