Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
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So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
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We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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