Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
