I'm jealous of your bromance
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
