This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
