great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
