I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize