Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
