Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i need some magic done to my vagina
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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