Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
