I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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