Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
