do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
