toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
