Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
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I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
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I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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