if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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