I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
