If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
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