I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.