If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if only i could text you this smell
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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