I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
