There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
