tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
