Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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