I'll bet she douches with gravy.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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