someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
