So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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