I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
