I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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