Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm getting married
To pizza
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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