sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
