please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
