Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He kissed a someone with a penis
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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