I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
