I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
