is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
