does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
