apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
