I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
