Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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