My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize