I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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