So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
