Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
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Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
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Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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