I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
