No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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