That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
