Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
