College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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