with your own penis?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
