not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
