Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
