you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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